I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
