well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Boobs speak an international language.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
