Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
