Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
