sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
