It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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