we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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