just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
