At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.