I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.