so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?