so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am