Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.