I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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