wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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