I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
