She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
