apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
