k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
