Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
