My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
