ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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