So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
