everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
