It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
