Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
