Too much gin, very little bucket
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
