If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
