I got chris browned last night
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
