i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
