people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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