Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
