maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
