no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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