I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
