I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
