Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize