I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.