Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point