i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate