ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dating After Heartbreak
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.