I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.