sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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