I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
