Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"