i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
