I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
