I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
