Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
