I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
