The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
