why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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