That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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