He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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