Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ok first of all what the fuck
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
