More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
