What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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