my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
