It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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