I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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