you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
