I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
