in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
