I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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