The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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