oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
