You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
