dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
