The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
