my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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