Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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